the tchotchke critic

swag me baby and I'll give you a literate clit-a-crit,
(leer with my tongue lashing jibe)
slut up to me with your verbalicenteous gerunds
and worthless rhymes while I make hasty cliche' ass-clinchism simile-slimes

unless you're a corporate china-doll with a tight
smile and a plastic shine to give me a head-job -
fluff my emasculated urbanity, assuage my hapless dreams,
my Mr. solid-for-ya', 'see-man', hidden-penis screams

I'll swag'ya with tickle-toys that'll glitter in your hand,
buttons of memorabilia to enhance your capital-tits;
scold'ya with inanity when you drop a diphthong;
smack'ya with a jesticulate-jeer, then drink my oor-ban boor-ban with beer-